Gratitude

We have so much to be thankful for this year. We have had a lot of challenges and trials, but through them we have grown stronger. I am so thankful for these trials. Because of them I have been able to form a better relationship with my Father in Heaven, my testimony has been strengthened and I have come to see the blessings that have come because of them. I have also been able to strengthen my marriage and have a better and more loving relationship with Brent, who is the best man I could ever wish to have as my eternal companion and as my best friend, and I am so grateful for him in my life! I wouldn’t change this life or the trials I have been handed for anything. It certainly hasn’t been easy, but they have made me into the person I am. I am closer to my God than I ever had been before and I can feel his love for me in everything he does. I don’t know the “why’s” behind everything, but I do know that whatever Heavenly Father does is for our good.

We have been fighting 4 years for the miracle of having a precious baby added to our family. It has been the hardest trial/journey we have ever faced. It has been the cause of many tears and sleepless nights for both Brent & me. We have not had the opportunity to do many medical treatments, not only because of finances but most importantly because we have the feeling that it is not the right path for us. It has been the hardest part of this whole journey - not fighting, but just being patient and having faith... knowing that Heavenly Father will keep his promises. It has also been a hard thing for many people to accept about us, and many have said very hurtful things because of it. They do not understand that even though we haven’t done everything possible for the chance to conceive, that it does not make it any easier to deal with or stop the ache in our hearts. It has been such a roller-coaster each month hoping and praying that our miracle happens.

This year I have tried to turn my focus not on my aching heart and empty arms, but on my Savior and Heavenly Father. They have blessed me so much during this past year and through my entire life. I will be a better person and mother because of the things I have faced in this trial, if I don’t give up and endure in faith. Just because God has not given me a child, does not mean that he doesn’t love me and want what is best for me. He wants me to be happy and turn to him when the pain is too much to carry on my own. To keep going with hope and faith. It is such a blessing and a comfort to know that because of the atonement, my Savior knows my pain and sorrow. He knows my struggles and the reason behind each tear. He knows exactly how I feel... but he also sees the light at the end - so he is able to guide and help me through every step of this trial. Knowing that the same Jesus Christ who walked on the earth, healing spiritual and physical sickness of every kind, can heal the sickness that infertility creates in my heart. He lives, and the knowledge of His love and of His Atonement is a greater gift than any other — even the gift of being a mother. Instead of asking “why me?” I now try to ask “why not me?” I chose this life and the trials in it in the pre-existence. I know I can over come everything because I know God would not have given me it if I couldn’t. I can do anything with his help. I am still dealing with this trial every day and know I will have ups and downs, but because of my savior I know things will be ok and Brent & I can make it!

Thank you Heavenly Father!

This year for Thanksgiving we had the wonderful opportunity to spend it with my Family. We had my grandparents, Uncles & Aunts, and cousins too. It was so wonderful spending time with family I don’t see very often. The only thing that would have made it better was if Brent didn’t have to work the next day. So sadly he left shortly after dinner. I stayed with my family because I really didn’t want to sit home and do nothing. It was so great spending so much time with my siblings. I was also able to pick up our car from the shop! We are so excited to have 2 cars again! I drove it home Monday morning after getting it registered. The only down side is that it still doesn’t run great. The price was 400$ more than what the quote was for and it still barely runs. Oh well, at least I am not sitting in the car anymore for hours waiting for Brent to get off work everyday. Although I will miss the time in the car I used as scripture study… it really will be nice to be home and comfortable. Lol

Four weekends and a Wedding

Life has been pretty busy lately....

Weekend #1: Brent & I celebrated our 5 year anniversary of being sealed in the temple for eternity. I really can't believe it has been that long ago! We were able to go up to Sanpete that weekend to do a session in the Manti Temple to celebrate and also so that I could make it to Jenessa's bridal shower. I love the Manti Temple. It always has such a wonderful and special feeling that is different from all other temples. It was wonderful to see Nessa again and to spend more time with Jason. I'm so glad she loved the sign I made them.

Weekend #2: We were able to go up to Sanpete again but this time it was to see the Mormon Miracle Pageant. We were able to meet up with my cousins Amanda (who is currently living in Hawaii), her fun in-laws, and my other cousins Laura, and Arianne. It was so wonderful to see the pageant again..especially since I grew up being in it pretty much every year. I was still able to quote most of it! We were also able to do another session in the Manti Temple. It really is the hardest thing to put into words how strong the spirit is there.

Weekend #3: Again up to Sanpete. This time to be with Jenessa as she went through the temple for the first time. I loved every minute I was able to share with her on that beautiful and wonderful day. The spirit was so incredibly strong and I know her mom was there with her. Seeing Jenessa in the Celestial room really brought back so many memories of when I went through to receive my own Endowments. I am so truly grateful for the gospel in my life and for the precious experiences I have been able to have because of it. We were then able to go to Brent's parents house to help them put a sprinkler system in their yard. It was hard work but it was great to be able to spend time with them and being able to work hard to accomplish our goals. We were also able to visit with Brent's mom since she had her surgery. We wish you a speedy recovery mom. We love you.

Weekend #4: Back up to Sanpete for my DeLeeuw Family Reunion. It was so great to go camping and to see so much family...most of whom I haven't seen in years. It was so fun!! I have such a goofy and loving family! Also this weekend Jenessa and Jason were married and we were blessed to be able to be there. It was so neat to listen to the sealer marry them and to hear and know that the spirit was directing him to things he needed to say. We were able to spend the day with them through the pictures, lunch, and reception. It was so wonderful to see Nessa so happy and seeing how much Jason really loves her. Nessa, I love you and I am so grateful that you found your prince. You are the most special person I have ever met and you are the best friend anyone could ask for. I am so lucky that I have been able to know you and have you for a friend for 18 years...and I look forward to many many more. Thank you Jason for treating her the way she deserves and making her happy. And thank you so much for letting us be a part of this special day! We wish you the most happiness in your life together!!

A lot happened during these 4 weeks. It was amazing being able to go to the temple each week and to feel the spirit so strongly. It has made me more positive about things going on in my life and the trials I am facing, and I am trying to remember those feelings I felt and incorporate them in every day. I love my family and I am so grateful for this chance we had to spend so much time with them. And I am especially thankful for the wonderful blessing of sharing this time with Jenessa and Jason. What a wonderful life we have because of our family, friends, and the gospel!

2 Birthdays in a row and Conference

My little sister Paige decided she wanted to come down during her spring break and to celebrate hers and Brent's birthdays. My parents and her came down saturday. I made Paige's favorite dinner (mexican pizzas) and just had a quiet family party for her. Paige stayed the whole week with us. It was so wonderful having her here! Happy Birthday Paige. We love you but hate that you are growing up so fast!

Brent's birthday was on Wednesday. I woke him up early, well earlier than normal, and gave him a "Top Secret" letter for Special Agent Brently. It described to him that he was to go on a mission, if he chose to accept it, to find his presents. I hid 35 (the number only reflects how much fun I had making them and couldn't stop) clues all over leading him to his gifts. It was so fun watching him running everywhere and trying to decode my hints. I had so much fun creating this little hunt for him and I hoped he enjoyed it. We invited some over our friends over for dinner, ice cream and two types of cakes. We then took off that friday to travel 5.5 hrs to the Grand Canyon! Even though it was a forever long drive, it was totally worth it and we loved having Paige there to enjoy it with us. The Grand Canyon is such an amazing place and so full of history! We had such a fun time and took lots of pictures. On the way home we took a different route through Zions so Paige could say she had been there. Even though it was really dark she could still tell what an amazing place it was. The tunnels were especially neat to travel though.

We had such a fun week enjoying Glee and just having lots of fun. Conference started on Saturday and we enjoyed all the talks we heard. After Conference ended on Saturday we drove up to take Paige home and to be with my family. I was even able to see my best friend Jenessa and her new boyfriend Jason! I have missed seeing her so much! I love listening to Conference. There is such a strong spirit knowing that we have a Prophet to guide us and getting a confirmation that I belong to the one and only true church of Jesus Christ. There were so many amazing talks! I think my favorite so far had to be Elder Scott's. It was such an amazing week and weekend. We drove over 1000 miles in 2 days and enjoyed every one!

Temple Trip

We recently to the temple with our friends to do Sealings. I love going to the temple! It is the most amazing place you will ever go! While there the sealer shared his views on this wonderful ordinance that I thought were so beautiful and moving.

He looked down at the names and noticed they were from the 1700's. And began telling us how the words spoken never dull their meaning for him. How he pictures being in the pre-existence knowing all the steps we would need to take to return to our Heavenly Father. The Lord tells that there is a spot open for someone to come to earth. Someone happily volunteers. Our Heavenly Father smiles but then proceeds to tell them that at the time they will be born, the restored gospel will not be on the earth. They will not have the priesthood or any of the special ordinances which would allow them to return home. Those that volunteer take a step back with tears in their eyes. But then we stepped forward and said that we would do it for them. We would make sure all of those precious steps would be done for them.

He then said (with a smile on his face) "after this life, when we go through the veil and after we hug all our family and friends, just imagine all those whom we have done this work for, waiting and wanting to express their appreciation. Every one of them! What a reunion that will be!"

What a wonderful thought it is and such a great responsibility to us all to find those we promised to do that work for and do it!! I truly love this gospel with my whole heart! I know it is true and I know that my Heavenly Father loves us. I am so grateful for that strong spirit I felt and for the opportunity we had of being there at that time. I am so grateful to be sealed with Brent for all eternity and the blessing of being able to return to our heavenly home after this life.

Conference Weekend

I am so truly grateful for the gospel in my life! For a worthy priesthood holder in my home and to be able to go to the temple and renew those covenants I made with my Heavenly Father. I look forward to each and every conference and the chance to hear from our beloved Prophet and the officers of the church. It is truly amazing to hear direct answers to our trials and problems from those inspired talks.

This year we were able to go up to Salt Lake to spend time with Brent's sister Karen and her husband Ryan. It was so wonderful to spend time with them. We didn't do much but it was wonderful to be able to see family and relax. We were able to stop at Mark & Emily's too. It is always so fun to see them. We really do love all you guys so much! We weren't able to watch all of conference do to the fact that Ryan is not a member and we didn't want to force him... but what we did watch/hear was amazing. I am so grateful for the internet and for the chance I have to watch it during the week, and for the opportunity to read it in next months ensign!

Sunday was my Dad's birthday and it was wonderful to be able to go and see him. I always love spending time with my daddy and all of my family. I love you guys so much. Happy Birthday again Dad. I hope it was a good day for you!

Good Things to Come

My friend shared this with me the other day. It was truly an answer to my prayers. It gave me such peace and really touched my spirit. I know things aren't well for a lot of you... but good things will come. We are promised that if we keep the commandments of the Lord and have faith and hope, we will be guided and directed for good. Heavenly Father will not try us above what we are able. Isn't that the most wonderful blessing! We are so truly blessed to have the gospel in our lives. To be able to be worthy temple recommend holders and be able to go to the temple often and participate in that sacred and wonderful work. I am so grateful for every blessing the lord has blessed us with and all that he will bless us. I am really striving to find patience and to trust in God with my whole heart, might, & mind. I will try to see my trials as growing experiences and faith builders. If any of you are having difficulties please watch this video and I hope & pray the spirit testifies to you that it is true and that you will be able to recognize all your blessings.

I love to see the temple

"I love to see the temple.
I’m going there someday
To feel the Holy Spirit,
To listen and to pray.
For the temple is a house of God,
A place of love and beauty.
I’ll prepare myself while I am young;
This is my sacred duty.
-
I love to see the temple.
I’ll go inside someday.
I’ll cov’nant with my Father;
I’ll promise to obey.
For the temple is a holy place
Where we are sealed together.
As a child of God, I’ve learned this truth:
A family is forever."

Can I just say that temples are the most wonderful places in the whole world! I love the incredible spirit that you feel as soon as you walk through the front doors. Every temple is so beautiful and unique, but no matter what temple you go to you always feel the awe-inspiring love from our Heavenly Father. Going to the temple always gives me such peace no matter what trials life presents.

I love being able to do work for those who have finished their journey here and feeling their love and appreciation. Knowing that there are people on the other side of the veil that are just waiting for some one to do this important work for them is such a great responsibility for all of us. It is amazing when you are holding a name in your hand and realize that they have been waiting for hundreds of years and then knowing there are so many others who have been waiting for even longer.

I am so grateful to my Heavenly Father for all that I have... especially for a current temple recommend and that I am sealed to my wonderful husband and family for time and all eternity.

Gratitude

I am so grateful for the Priesthood in my home and for the love that my Heavenly Father has for me and for my family. I am so grateful for Brent and that he is worthy to hold the Priesthood. It is such an amazing thing to be able to have the ability to know what Heavenly Father has planned for us and to have his help and comfort any time we need it. I am grateful to have such a close relationship with my family, and that we can ask them for help when we need it. I have such a testimony of this gospel and of Heavenly Father's love for us. I know that his gospel is true with all my heart. I know that if we live the way we are supposed to we can return to live with him, that we have the chance to be eternal families and never loose our loved ones. I know that our wonderful prophet, Thomas S. Monson, is a true prophet and that he receives inspiration to lead our church, from the Lord.

Yesterday, my cousin Ryan came over to give Brent a blessing. We had not told Ryan any of the hardships or things Brent was seeking help on, and yet what was said in the blessing were exactly what Brent had needed to hear. It was so strong and you could feel the spirit all around. It was truly amazing and exactly what he needed to hear. Thank you so much Ryan for stopping by -even though it would have been nicer for you if you could have gone straight home. We are so lucky to have such a close relationship with you and your family.

After Ryan left I was so moved by the spirit, that I asked Brent to give me a blessing. I have been so torn the last couple weeks about things that are going on in my life, and this blessing helped me clear my mind and give me comfort. It settled so many things and reminded me how much Heavenly Father truly does love me and that he wants me to be happy. I felt his love so strongly.

What an amazing experience for both Brent & I. We are so blessed!

A chance to hear from our Heavenly Father

On the 4th & 5th of April we were able to listen to General Conference. We had the opportunity to hear form our wonderful and beloved prophet Thomas S. Monson and from other leaders of our church. The spirit was so strong and we learned so much. Every talk was wonderfully given and each was unique and different but equally powerful and important. There were so many talks that impressed me and I felt the spirit so much!

We went to Sanpete after Brent worked on Saturday and were able to spend time with my family - which was so nice! Brent & Cam decided to go to the Priesthood session together. They said it was really hot but also very powerful & they were glad that they went.

I can't wait until the ensign comes out so I can re-read them and improve myself. I am so grateful and excited to be able to watch conference again. I just wish it would come sooner.

Mis·sion·ar·y

n. - One who is sent on a mission, especially one sent to do religious or charitable work in a territory or foreign country.


The rolling forth of the restored gospel is a miracle in every sense of the word, and not the least of the miracle is that a significant portion of it rolls forward on the shoulders of 19-year-olds! - Jeffrey R. Holland, "Abide in Me," Ensign, May 2004, 30

"I believe there is nothing in all the world that can compare with the joy that a man feels when he realizes that he has been the instrument in the hands of the living God of reaching some honest heart, inspiring in it a love of God and the desire to serve Him." Heber J Grant

"There is no other labor in all the world that brings to a human heart, judging from my own personal experience, more joy, peace and serenity than proclaiming the gospel of the Lord Jesus Christ." Heber J. Grant


If you couldn't tell from the above quotes, Darin had his mission farewell on Sunday, the 15th of February. It was a very emotional day as we saw him for the last time for 2 years. Darin gave a very good and spiritual talk and he bore his testimony. It is so awesome to see how much he has grown in every aspect. We know he will be a very successful missionary and that he will be able to bless many people for good and we wish him the best of luck. It will definitely be very weird not to have him around now. He always made us laugh and feel at home. We will miss you! We were also able to spend time with family that we hadn't seen for quite some time. It was particularly nice to see grandparents and Tyler & Randell.

below are a few pictures of the luncheon after church.