Gratitude

We have so much to be thankful for this year. We have had a lot of challenges and trials, but through them we have grown stronger. I am so thankful for these trials. Because of them I have been able to form a better relationship with my Father in Heaven, my testimony has been strengthened and I have come to see the blessings that have come because of them. I have also been able to strengthen my marriage and have a better and more loving relationship with Brent, who is the best man I could ever wish to have as my eternal companion and as my best friend, and I am so grateful for him in my life! I wouldn’t change this life or the trials I have been handed for anything. It certainly hasn’t been easy, but they have made me into the person I am. I am closer to my God than I ever had been before and I can feel his love for me in everything he does. I don’t know the “why’s” behind everything, but I do know that whatever Heavenly Father does is for our good.

We have been fighting 4 years for the miracle of having a precious baby added to our family. It has been the hardest trial/journey we have ever faced. It has been the cause of many tears and sleepless nights for both Brent & me. We have not had the opportunity to do many medical treatments, not only because of finances but most importantly because we have the feeling that it is not the right path for us. It has been the hardest part of this whole journey - not fighting, but just being patient and having faith... knowing that Heavenly Father will keep his promises. It has also been a hard thing for many people to accept about us, and many have said very hurtful things because of it. They do not understand that even though we haven’t done everything possible for the chance to conceive, that it does not make it any easier to deal with or stop the ache in our hearts. It has been such a roller-coaster each month hoping and praying that our miracle happens.

This year I have tried to turn my focus not on my aching heart and empty arms, but on my Savior and Heavenly Father. They have blessed me so much during this past year and through my entire life. I will be a better person and mother because of the things I have faced in this trial, if I don’t give up and endure in faith. Just because God has not given me a child, does not mean that he doesn’t love me and want what is best for me. He wants me to be happy and turn to him when the pain is too much to carry on my own. To keep going with hope and faith. It is such a blessing and a comfort to know that because of the atonement, my Savior knows my pain and sorrow. He knows my struggles and the reason behind each tear. He knows exactly how I feel... but he also sees the light at the end - so he is able to guide and help me through every step of this trial. Knowing that the same Jesus Christ who walked on the earth, healing spiritual and physical sickness of every kind, can heal the sickness that infertility creates in my heart. He lives, and the knowledge of His love and of His Atonement is a greater gift than any other — even the gift of being a mother. Instead of asking “why me?” I now try to ask “why not me?” I chose this life and the trials in it in the pre-existence. I know I can over come everything because I know God would not have given me it if I couldn’t. I can do anything with his help. I am still dealing with this trial every day and know I will have ups and downs, but because of my savior I know things will be ok and Brent & I can make it!

Thank you Heavenly Father!

This year for Thanksgiving we had the wonderful opportunity to spend it with my Family. We had my grandparents, Uncles & Aunts, and cousins too. It was so wonderful spending time with family I don’t see very often. The only thing that would have made it better was if Brent didn’t have to work the next day. So sadly he left shortly after dinner. I stayed with my family because I really didn’t want to sit home and do nothing. It was so great spending so much time with my siblings. I was also able to pick up our car from the shop! We are so excited to have 2 cars again! I drove it home Monday morning after getting it registered. The only down side is that it still doesn’t run great. The price was 400$ more than what the quote was for and it still barely runs. Oh well, at least I am not sitting in the car anymore for hours waiting for Brent to get off work everyday. Although I will miss the time in the car I used as scripture study… it really will be nice to be home and comfortable. Lol